Awkward Threesome at the Office

Question
My ex-boyfriend (I'll call him Ex) and I started dating about three weeks after I started working at DreadWork (not the company's real name). Everything was cool for about a year. Then we broke up (actually he dumped me) and he started dating someone else in the company -- she's a real creep!

It made me feel really weird every time I saw them together -- which seemed like every time I got up to do anything like go to the bathroom or the break room -- and just when I thought I was getting over him, last night he showed up at my door asking if he could come in.

I let him in and we talked. Seems the creep dumped him and he wanted some consolation. We talked for a long time and... long story short, he ended up spending the night.

So now at work it's so incredibly weird. Maybe I'm being paranoid but it feels like the whole office is watching the three of us -- me, my ex, and the other girl -- to see who's going to say what to who.

Ex didn't say anything to me all morning. In the afternoon he finally came by my desk and asked if I wanted to hang out after work. I said yes, but I'm not sure whether I should. Not sure if I want to go back with him. Certainly don't want to get dumped again. Think how yucky it would feel to have that soap opera going on at work with all eyes on us.

Do you think it would be okay if Ex and I only met outside of work and kept it a secret from everyone at work? What should I do?
-- Messed up

Answer
By Susan Ireland

Dear Messed Up,
Before you make any decisions, take a deep breath and s-l-o-w down. Maybe things will work out between you and Ex; maybe not. You need to give it time and, most important, not let this drama play out in the workplace.

If you really like this guy, then date him but cut the interaction with him at work to a minimum. Take it one step at a time and see if your one night together was for real or if it was just him reacting to his loss.

From a career perspective, I recommend you keep everything professional among the three of you –- Ex, you, and the other woman -- at work. Avoid gossip circles at the water fountain (don’t worry, there are plenty of other people to keep the grapevine watered), and stick to friendly but professional chats with your colleagues.

You don’t have to keep your relationship with Ex a secret, but be discreet. Don’t let your social life interfere with your career! If people ask about you and Ex, tell them something like, “He and I have a lot of respect for each other.” Keep it honest, neutral, and professional.

Good luck with this sticky situation!

Here are three blogs related to office romance, which you might find helpful:
Office Romance by Marry Sit
Cupid at Work: office romance
Office Romance: When Valentine Roses Come from the Next Cubicle by Brad Karsh

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